Positive Thinking (DK Essential Managers)
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More Details Original Title. DK Essential Managers. Other Editions 7. Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Positive Thinking , please sign up. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Community Reviews. Showing Rating details.
More filters. Sort order. While this is a small book it is packed with gems of wisdom and I find myself enjoying it and going back to reread some parts I have already read. I love that it has pictures, illustrations, charts, etc that make the concepts so tangible, practical, easy and real. Rather, she gives practical steps 1, 2, 3, etc so that you might get to the root of the problem and start having healthy thoughts.
Here are some t While this is a small book it is packed with gems of wisdom and I find myself enjoying it and going back to reread some parts I have already read. Here are some things I enjoyed reading in her book and I can meditate and elaborate on: If you analyze a negative belief and turn it into a positive belief, your whole approach to life becomes confident p. Buku psikologi populer, my favorite kind of book. Selama ini kalo ada yang bermasalah trus curhat atau emosi, kita selalu memberi nasehat: "positif thinking aja deh. Apa bener kita udah mempraktekkan dalam kehidupan sehari-hari kita?
Nggak gampang lho berpositif thinking, secara kadang kita juga punya pembelaan: "gue juga kan manusia! Di dalam buku praktis ini diberikan contoh-contoh kasus dan bagaimana sebaiknya kita mengatasi satu masalah. Misalnya, seorang pria memecahkan vas bunga. Jika wanita bersikap menyalahkan dan menuduh pria tersebut ceroboh, maka otomatis pria tersebut akan defensif dan akhirnya hubungan mereka jadi terganggu. Tapi jika si wanita menghadapinya dengan kalem dan menganggap itu bukan masalah besar, si pria akan otomatis meminta maaf dan hubungan mereka akan tetap baik.
Tapi coba bayangin kalo anak kecil belajar nyuci piring, trus pecah, apa kira-kira yang reflek keluar dari mulut ibunya? Kamu makan pake daon pisang aja besok! Bener juga ya?
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Siapa coba yang kepikiran seperti itu? Ada sih, tapi pasti jarang. Apalagi ibu-ibu, kalo mo nraktir beli baju buat diri sendiri pasti larinya ke baju anak-anak. Lalu dianjurkan juga buat ibu-ibu yang super sibuk untuk menyediakan waktu buat diri sendiri. Buat nonton film kesukaan, baca buku, atau maskeran. Memang awalnya bakal feeling guilty karena merasa telah mengabaikan keluarga, tapi gak pa-pa nanti juga lewat. Dan ibu yang menghargai waktu buat dirinya sendiri akan lebih menghargai dirinya sendiri, percaya deh! Trus apalagi ya? Buku ini dilengkapi gambar-gambar yang menarik, ada kuis tentang berapa positif sih kamu?
Dan bukunya tipis jadi seperti pocket book gitu deh. Bisa dibawa-bawa buat baca di bis, or di angkot, di ojek juga boleh sih kalo mau.
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View all 4 comments. Lots of helpful hints and tips. Feb 13, Julie rated it really liked it Shelves: self-help. Simple, concise, yet full of great suggestions and ideas to help inspire and promote positive thinking. Aug 07, Sayed Abbas rated it liked it. View 1 comment. Mar 26, Bookworm Amir rated it it was amazing Shelves: favorites. A must read!. Lynda rated it really liked it Jun 13, Bee rated it it was ok Nov 03, Rufaidah rated it really liked it Oct 11, Mrs Joanna Thompson rated it liked it Dec 21, Manav rated it it was amazing Mar 05, Nanette Meredith rated it it was amazing Jul 18, Miguel Yga rated it liked it Apr 20, Edgar Avalos rated it liked it Jul 27, But if you are angry only because someone does not meet your expectations, then it just makes you and other people unhappy.
Instead, adapt your expectations to be more realistic. Understand why the other person cannot meet your standards. Ask them to change what they are doing. Try walking away, returning when you are calmer. If none of these ideas work, just let your anger go, and move on. But there is a third way. An assertive approach means being adult about your needs and your wants, neither giving up nor being oppressive. It means knowing you have the right to ask for what you need and to be heard. It also suggests ways of achieving that.
Assertiveness is not a one-way ticket.
You need to be prepared to listen to the other person, recognize their point of view, and negotiate a win—win solution. I would like you to tell the boss it was me who did the work. Neither attack nor apologize. If the other person argues or gets upset, repeat your statement calmly. This will make it easier for them to take it on board and start negotiating a solution. However, particularly when you are under stress, you may find your anxiety level never drops. To avoid this, learn to make a clear distinction between what you can solve and what you cannot solve, what is your responsibility and what is not.
Learn that there are some things that simply are not your problem. But when something is your problem you must take action immediately to shift the downward spiral of anxiety to the positive. Express loving, positive feelings, and have faith in yourself and your relationship.
But such feelings can get out of control, so you feel jealous without reason. If you find yourself inappropriately suspicious, the answer is not to keep a closer watch on your partner; it is to build your self-belief. That way, you believe that you are worth your partner's love, and start to feel secure. And, if the worst does happen, and your relationship fails, your self-belief will allow you to recover and move on. So get practical support, particularly when shock first sets in. After that, express your emotions, even unhappy ones; you will recover more quickly if you allow yourself to feel the grief.
As time passes, be sure to find someone to whom you can talk about your feelings. In the longer term, honor the memory of what you have lost—a relative, a friend, or even a job you have enjoyed—laying to rest the bad times and remembering the good. Only when you have come through the cycle of grieving can you begin to feel positive again.
Practical support. Denial Cutting off from emotions. Time and patience. Grief Sadness, tears. Ability to cry Anger Bitterness and self-blame Acceptance of anger as useful. Depression Hopelessness and helplessness. Medication, counseling. Resolution Acceptance, moving on. Support in reengaging with life. Take on this life approach fully and you are an optimist— someone who faces the future resourcefully, rather than feeling hopeless and helpless. Hence they feel in charge and empowered. Pessimists take the blame for the bad but think the good is down to sheer chance, which leaves them feeling inadequate and powerless.
To be an optimist, recognize the contribution you have made to a positive event, and congratulate yourself. That way you feel in control. The key to feeling optimistic about a problem is simply to take action. If you act, you will feel more hopeful because you are creating the chance that things will improve.
So the minute you feel yourself beginning to slip into pessimism, do something—almost anything—to tackle whatever the problem is that is triggering your mood. Take one step and you will feel more hopeful. If that does not work, then be flexible: do something different.
Your action does not need to solve things instantly. It just needs to remind you that you have taken charge and are on your way to making things better. The more boxes you check, the more optimistic you are. Unchecked boxes indicate a need to take action so you face the world more optimistically. So in any problem situation, do an audit of what resources you have—your own talents and knowledge, sources of specialized expertise, friends, and family.
Then identify what else you need in order to cope. Think of ways to fill those resource gaps—and set about doing so. So when you have a problem, make a worst-case and a best-case prediction. This not only makes you focus on living a contented life, it also builds your self-worth. Award yourself fun times, and give yourself the message that you deserve happiness. Notice that particular sensation of physical relaxation that accompanies feel-good moments. Experience the pleasure in all five senses: what you see, hear, feel, taste, smell. Enhance your enjoyment by combining sensations—for example, playing music when reading a good book.
She complains to her doctor of constant tiredness. He reassures her that she is perfectly healthy, but she still feels something is wrong. She cannot seem to summon the enthusiasm to do anything. Tania negotiates with her husband and her mother to watch the children one evening each week so she can attend a dance class.
She starts off feeling a little guilty, but she perseveres. Within a month Tania is feeling more positive and energetic. So even during a busy day, take the time to talk to a friend and share a joke. Some believe it can heal, too. So smile at everyone you meet, tell jokes, read amusing books, tune in to TV comedies, and mix with people who have a good sense of humor.
If the sun comes out, go for a walk; if that work project appeals, volunteer for it. Seize the day; indulge yourself. Realize that much of your time is occupied with things you have not chosen or do not enjoy. By actively indulging yourself, you redress the balance toward enjoyment, daily life begins to seem more fun, and you feel positive in many different areas of your life. Buy your favorite childhood board game and play it with friends. Do an action-wheel to see how much of your hours per week you allow for feel-good activities. Positive thought patterns lie at the heart of confidence; when you think positively, you optimize your performance.
They concentrate on success but allow memories of failure to fade. By all means note where you went wrong, but do not dwell on your mistakes, or become depressed by them. Simply register them, and concentrate on what would have been a better way to act. Then erase the negative emotional charge by telling yourself that failure is in the past and you are now a confident person who performs more effectively. Learn to put aside your disappointments and focus on your achievements. Go further than marking minor details; mark big victories with memorable celebrations, with souvenirs of your triumphs, or in an achievement diary.
Summarize that feeling of success in affirmations that you repeat to yourself regularly, particularly when you need a confidence boost. Constantly stretch yourself; aim within your achievable range so that you can succeed, but also regularly do a little bit more than is comfortable. That way, you are always building your sense of inner competence and achievement.
Keep extending the range of things you attempt in life; broadening your experience helps you develop the confidence that you can cope with anything. This will set you on the path to further succcesses. It also works the other way around: if body language is confident, the mind will follow suit. Ask them about how they remember successes and forget failures. Take a deep breath and stretch to release tension. When the goal is achieved, another burst of activity makes you happy again.
To maintain a positive attitude, keep setting—and achieving—your goals. Check first that you are clear about what you are aiming for; that it is something you really want; and that the time, energy, and resources required are worth the effort. Check also that when you reach your goal, what you gain will outweigh what you might lose.
Your goal also needs to reflect your deeper values; if you do not believe in the worth of what you are doing, you will lack the energy to succeed. This will allow you to see the next step clearly and so have energy available for it, rather than viewing the task as a huge and endless effort. If you have performed the task before, review what each step entails so that you know you are fully resourced to do it. If you have never done it before, talk to someone who has already succeeded.
Then get going, whether you feel like it or not. You may think that effective people feel motivated to start things. But typically they do not; they start, and let their motivation build from the success of having begun. Failure is not the end of the world. Make plans in case you do not succeed. Comparison—you feel others would do better Even successful people run into difficulties. Regard others as mentors, not as competitors. Reluctance—you never wanted to do it I have the right to choose whether to do this.
Say no, or say yes and follow through. Perfectionism—you have to do things excellently My standards are impossibly high. Lower standards and work up to success. Lack of rewards—you never treat yourself Without rewards, my body and mind will rebel. Reward yourself for even the smallest success. Actively ask others for positive feedback. To keep your energy high, focus on incentives rather than penalties. You need to remind yourself of what you will lose if you fail, but it is more important to look forward to the rewards of success.
And if those rewards do not yet feel very real and compelling, boost them until they are irresistible. Then, once you have embarked on a task, congratulate yourself for each small step you achieve—treat yourself to a new book, a new CD, a box of chocolates. The lower your level of motivation, the shorter the gaps between rewards should be. If the task is one you will repeat, keep a progress log.
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That way you can motivate yourself next time by looking back on your previous success. So make a determined effort to find meaning in what you are doing, and cultivate beliefs and experiences that reflect that meaning. To have a happy life, you need a sense of an underlying point to your existence and of a moral code by which to live. This does not mean you have to have a religious or spiritual faith. It means you will feel more secure in yourself if you can sense a plan or a guiding force in life, and more at peace with the world if you have a workable set of principles.
Take a few minutes each day to think about the values you wish to guide you, and try to cultivate beliefs and experiences that reflect them. If you do not yet have a mission, imagine yourself at the end of a long and happy life, where you have achieved what you were born to achieve. Then track what you imagine having done during your life in order to achieve a complete life.
These are the practical actions you will need to take in order to fulfill your mission. His work culminated in a book published in He identified the emotional state that you enter when you focus on an activity wholeheartedly, entirely forgetting yourself and the here and now. Imagine yourself in years to come, looking back on your life, and see what you could do now to achieve your goal.
Make sure you have a range of different work tasks and hobbies to engage and excite you. A study carried out in by the British mental health charity MIND suggests the following flow activities, listed in order of effectiveness: listening to music, gardening, writing, painting and drawing, drama, writing and reading poetry, crafts, walking, needlework or knitting, dancing.
So create an environment, a routine, and a lifestyle that constantly enhance your mood. Creating a Positive Environment P ositivity is generated from inside you, but what happens outside matters, too. Environmental factors can influence the way you feel. By creating a space where you can be relaxed, comfortable, and focused, you can improve your outlook. At home, your oasis of calm could be a corner of a room, a converted attic, or a backyard bench. At work, it might be at your desk.
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Even if you have to share living or work space with others, make sure there is some aspect of it that makes you feel happy. If possible, choose your own furniture, pictures, and colors. Set aside some time to read or to meditate on a calming topic. Introduce plenty of natural light. At home, have a comfortable sofa or big cushions; at work, put flowers on your desk. Use scents to energize or relax you. You may want to play music to raise your mood, or you may prefer the background sound of water or wind chimes.
Set aside a few minutes every day when you unplug the phone and relax. Still your mind, perhaps by concentrating on your breathing, or by focusing on a lit candle or a flower. Then you may choose to say a positive affirmation to yourself, or think through some significant topic.
Soundproof with rugs and curtains, or use headphones. Low oxygen levels Can create lethargy and low mood. Open windows, install plants and a humidifier. Lack of organization Can confuse and make you feel out of control. Buy storage systems and throw away clutter. To maintain a positive way of living, you need to support your mental approach with the right diet, exercise, and stress-reduction program.
And there is increasing evidence that poor diet can send your body into a downward spiral of negative emotions. If you eat foods that make your blood-sugar level soar, that produce an adrenalin rush, or that trigger food intolerance, you are likely to spend your days on a roller coaster of emotion.
Choose a diet that avoids refined carbohydrates and refined sugars, and where possible eat unprocessed foods with no additives in order to avoid bad reactions to artificial colorings and flavorings. In particular, serotonin keeps you calm, focused, and optimistic, while dopamine and norepinephrine keep you alert and active.
Choose a diet that is designed to support their long-term production: for serotonin, eat foods rich in unrefined carbohydrates, such as cereals, pasta, rice, starchy vegetables; for dopamine and norepinephrine, eat foods rich in amino acids, such as chicken, fish, beef, nuts, and pulses. Follow a diet that includes oily fish such as salmon, lean meat, green vegetables, and pulses. Eating breakfast gives you a feelgood start to the day by kick-starting your body with much-needed fuel after its overnight starvation.
Conversely, eating a light meal in the evening means your body does not have to cope with the strain of digesting food, and you will fall asleep more easily. While they may give you an instant lift, their feel-good effect may suddenly dip, leaving you feeling even more down than before. Regular low-sugar snacks will keep your energy level— and your mood—high.
Exercise builds health—and a healthy body is conducive to a happy mind. Exercise helps counteract stress, and increases the production of feel-good brain chemicals. Create an exercise regimen that you enjoy and can maintain— 20 minutes three times a week is a good basic minimum. It should leave you feeling relaxed and good about yourself. If you are competitive, play team games. If you like company, find a gym buddy. If you love the outdoors, go running. Experiment to find the right amount of sleep for you. If you have difficulty in sleeping, this is most likely to be due to stress during your day, or a lack of preparation for sleep.
Avoid evening activities that leave you overstimulated, such as watching scary movies or listening to loud music. Instead, set up a relaxed pre-bed routine, doing the same things, at the same time. Stick to the same waking and sleeping hours, if possible. Analysis The higher the number of checks, the more stressed you are. Take action to reduce the stress in your life so that you are better able to cope with it.
You will find it difficult to be positive when you are under stress, not only because your body and mind are on the alert, looking for problems, but also because you are likely to feel fragile. Be aware of stress—at work, in relationships, or from family matters—and take immediate action to reduce it. Say no to unrealistic demands. Try to sort out the problems in your life. Take time—a daily half-hour, a weekly half-day—to do off-task things and unwind. Be aware when stress comes from being underused or bored, and make sure you are stretching yourself just the right amount in your life.
Get support: talk through problems with someone who can listen and support you. Make relaxation exercises part of your daily routine. Write it in your planner or stick it on your bulletin board. Dealing well with others creates good relationships, and the more good relationships you have in your life, the more emotionally resilient you are likely to be. So open up and tell others if they impress you. They will appreciate it more if you give them details about what you like and if you express your feelings as well as just your thoughts. Beware of qualification—do not praise a good performance, only to compare it with an earlier failure.
Avoid praising all the time. People may think they have gotten something wrong if the praise suddenly stops. This gives the message that effort is worthless. Let your critic say their piece so that they feel they are being heard. But take on board only what feels right; offset any hurt by recalling times when you have done well. If you sense the criticism is correct, particularly if you have had similar feedback from others, ask your critic to coach you in improving. This will not only mean you are supported to learn; it will also get him or her on your side, building a relationship out of a potentially tense interaction.
Work off any critical emotion by writing your feelings out in a letter that you never send or by imagining a conversation. If you still feel you need to give the person feedback, begin by pointing out what they have done right, to help them feel confident. Then, specify what you need them to do, in positives rather than negatives. Lastly, look for improvement in behavior and reinforce it by praising as soon as you can. Perhaps there were valid reasons why you or the other person did what they did, or maybe it was a difficult time or situation. It could be that what happened actually caused no harm, or that it is outweighed by good things you or the other person have done.
Perhaps that was the only or best choice of action under the circumstances at the time. A token of forgiveness If you find you can forgive the other person, you might like to show it with a small gift. If possible, simply stop seeing them; go through your address book and remove their names.
If you have to spend time with them, reduce the amount of contact and spend your freed-up time with people who leave you feeling good about yourself and the world. Expand your range of supportive friends; if you meet someone who seems content with themselves and their life, actively suggest you spend time together. Shares successes with peers Has fun with friends Is motivated by role models Gets help from supporters Seeks inspiration from mentors Self-Talk If, despite your efforts, you find yourself continuing to mix with overdemanding or unhelpful people, you are probably suffering from a belief that you deserve no better.
Use affirmations such as those given below to rethink this belief as a more positive one. Repeat them to yourself regularly. Friends and supporters do not appear by magic, and you may have to meet many people before you bond with someone. Regularly go to networking events, professional and personal. Remember that others may be shy, and will be grateful if you make the first move. Exchange contact details. The next day, call or e-mail, saying how good it was to meet; then, a few weeks later, follow up with a date and time to meet again.
Actively nurture established and new relationships by making contact on a regular basis. Write postcards to friends and family when you are on holiday, send cards for religious festivals, and remember birthdays and wedding anniversaries with cards or flowers. Write reminders into your diary so that too much time does not lapse between meetings. If you are pushed for time, create group events — parties, picnics, theatre trips — to which you can invite a number of your friends at one time. But they will give support much more readily if it is part of a regular, reciprocal arrangement.
So make a list of people in your life whose skills and talents you really value. This will be your support system. The next time you meet one of those people, ask for help in some small way, offering a similar favour in return. Maintain this give-andtake, so that if you ever need more substantial help, it will be much easier to ask. A party is the ideal opportunity to cultivate friendships with those who share a positive outlook on life and will be there for you when you need help.
Positive people are fun to be with, confident in their own abilities, able to give and take. The end result of their positive outlook is that they find, develop, and maintain relationships easily. The more you believe you are attractive, the more others will believe it, too. Remember that while appearance is important, most people do not need a partner who is perfectly goodlooking or has a stunning figure; confidence and personality are very much more compelling. Be proud of your appearance and character—and above all, believe you deserve love. If you like someone, let it show.
Pose questions, then listen carefully to the answers. Make it clear you are interested. Talk—without taking over the conversation—about your own thoughts and feelings, to show you trust the other person. Once you have established that there is some rapport, do not hold back. Instead, be up-front about wanting to meet again. Aim to have five positive interactions for each negative one. Particularly if past relationships have gone wrong, you may be wary and guarded, constantly looking for problems.
However, this approach is guaranteed to lay the foundations for a tense, sad partnership. Instead, think the best of your partner; not only will you bring out the best in them, you will also help them to feel good about themselves. And be optimistic about your love relationship; you will then create the energy needed to make it a happy one. Put the emphasis on enjoyment, having fun together, and making each other feel good. Assessing Your Relationship Negative interaction Key questions Positive interaction You never bother to ask how the day went Do you keep lines of communication open?
You show sympathy even if you feel critical You have no one-to-one time, no shared interests Do you regularly take time for yourselves as a couple? That is refreshing when you first meet, but sometimes you grow to resent these differences. Instead, put energy into understanding why your partner thinks and feels as they do. Ask them to explain their point of view. Explore how their attitudes have been formed, and appreciate their views, even if you cannot agree.
Your partner will then feel more able to understand you and your outlook. Think the best of your partner and you will bring out the best in him or her. The key is to maintain a good mood; stay calm yourself, and help your partner to stay calm, too, by reassuring him or her that you still care. Negotiate to resolve the conflict. Find places where your needs overlap, and reach a compromise. Experiment with solutions to meet both your needs. Make sure both of you are happy with the agreement you reach, to ensure you carry it through.
In fact, you are both afraid—that the other will disappoint, reject, control, or walk away. Understand this, and you will feel less threatened, less defensive, and more open. When things become heated, rather than nagging or shouting, say what it is that you are afraid will happen.
Rather than blaming or attacking, ask what it is that frightens your partner. Expressing fears helps you to sympathize, rather than attack. He fails to ask her point of view. She does not share her fear that they cannot afford the car Couple disagrees about spending money on a new car Things to Do Partners come to a decision that suits them both, and the relationship is enriched Partners listen to each other; she researches costs, he looks for alternative cars He buys a car anyway.
Avoid bringing up the past—focus any wrangles on what the problem is here and now. So it is vital to make sure that when you are working, you feel positive about what you do. In that way your career supports rather than undermines your positive approach to life. If you like people, work with them. If you love knowledge or ideas, or clothes, or words, find work that involves these. Be sure to chart your successes.
Identify how you can do well, and then get regular feedback on how to do even better. And keep moving on. If you are stuck at your current level, learn how to do your current job even better than you already do it, so that you still experience improvement. If necessary, offload your concerns in written form in a work journal. If you feel negative about your job, try to become more rather than less involved.
The more you actively contribute, the more control you will have. Speak well of others. Congratulate their successes, even when it means you lose out. Take responsibility for your errors rather than shifting the blame; never gloat over your victories if they mean defeat for others.
Be a positive force: celebrate when things go well, and offer solutions and support when things go badly. Assessing Your Job Satisfaction How positive do you feel about your work? Analysis The fewer the checks, the more unhappy you are. Look at these items again and plan how you can make work a positive experience. With her open and friendly manner, this manager is likely to motivate colleagues to perform well. Paid work is rarely fun all the time, but having a constructive attitude will help to keep the mood high. Come to work with a smile and keep smiling, even under pressure.
Be enthusiastic rather than critical when you discuss your employers or your work. If you are unhappy, talk to the management assertively, to suggest improvements. The answer is to act immediately to stop the downward spiral. Then you can begin to cope again. The solution is to take action to inject immediate positivity into the situation and avert a crisis. Do something that gives you a sense of success. Choose a small, specific task that you have done many times before and that you know you are not going to fail at. Choose something that has instant rewards, a visible result, or positive feedback.
Do something that you have been avoiding, to give you even more of a sense of victory. So send that email, sew on that button, water that plant. The sense of achievement you feel when you have done it will turn the tide. Then build on the sense of achievement you get from completing it. Do something that gives you an instant boost in validity. Avoid self-indulgences that have a backlash, such as alcohol, bingeing on sugary food, or overspending. Instead, give yourself a totally positive treat, to prove you are worth it—a walk in the park, a good book to read, a massage.
Contact someone who cares about you, tell them how you feel, and ask them to list your good points. Find someone who likes you, talk to them, and notice how they light up in response. Fact File A bad day can be even worse in winter. This is triggered by a biochemical imbalance in the hypothalamus caused by lack of sunlight in the dark winter months.
People prone to negativity in the winter should try to get as much natural daylight as possible through outside activities. You can get back on top, even in the smallest way, by imposing order and method over some aspect of what is happening. Clear out your desk, your bag, your computer files. Make a list of tasks and prioritize them. Plan in detail what you need to do for the rest of the day. Initiate a meeting or pick up the phone. As soon as you start to feel in control, you will begin to get back on track.